Monthly Archives: October 2007

Coca Cola And The Lack Thereof

I made a silly decision. fortunately it did not last long and here I am drinking a Coke just like I should be.

Coca cola is necessary for the continued existence of mankind.

I however decided I would not drink any. some misguided thoughts led me to believe that could possibly be better. oh whoa was me during the two and a half days that I attempted such a a feat.

However someone told me I could drink Coke. I am glad they did.

Otherwise I may have had to resort to Pepsi, or have to figure out why my coffee maker makes funny flavored coffee. I probably have to wash it.

Yes. So my fast of coke broke like so many pizza pops falling from a Pillsbury delivery blimp.

Coke = Good. No Coke = Bad.

Coca Cola and the Delivery

I am not the only one.

I could have sworn it was not that long ago that you could in fact send someone a coca-cola, you call a number go online, shout from a roof top or whatever it took to get a hold of these people, and they would send a coke to the person you wanted to send one to.

But the day of coke delivery is gone. The closest you can get now is if you were to hide in the bushes by the local crack house and hit people as they come by. 

However recently I decided to look once again for a method of cokery delivery. I have this friend who lives far away in medicine hat. At some point in time for some reason or another it was decided I would send her a coke. However I wanted it to be delivered right away. I mean it is real easy to wander to the local supermarket buy a coke wrap it all up nice and send it through the mail. Unless you labeled it "Caution may explode when shaken" there probably would not be any trouble sending it across the province to this small town in the middle of no-where.

Searching the internet did not provide much in the way of  coke delivery service. The closest I could find was Sobeys, at www.shopsobeys.com. I proceeded to order a coke, filled in the appropriate billing and shipping information clicked submit, got a confirmation, and then later another confirmation as an email. 

But the next day, no coke was delivered.

The online checkout thingy said the order was sent, but there was this little checkbox beside the words "pending payment" that had a check in it. I figured I would wait.

In the meantime I looked into other means of coke delivery.

Pizza.

It is hard to find a pizza delivery service that takes orders online, It is even harder to find a pizza delivery service that will process your credit card online. why is this?

Pizza 73 looked promising, but they had Pepsi. I may never know how there online ordering system works.

Dominos pizza had coke and a neat menu but for some reason would never let you choose anything other then pizza. Where was the checkout?

Super store only delivered gift baskets. Safeway only delivered drugs, Coke is a drug right?

For some reason flower shops did not stock Coke, and the thought of asking them if you could send a gift of Coke with flowers was too close to human interaction, so I quickly moved on.

Restaurants deliver, but none of them seemed to want to do what I wanted.

I soon came to the realization that no-one out there will deliver this coke for me. But just to be sure I tried Sobeys again.

This time after the confirmation I received an email from an employee of Sobeys, stating that I they would not ship orders that small, and to quit wasting their time.

At this point I feel sad. But at least now I know why coke cannot be delivered.

Although I will argue that their website did not mention that they would not deliver small orders. so why would it let me check out if they don’t deliver? And although it may be a small order and a waste of time and possibly money. I am pretty sure they would not go broke delivering such things. They could raise the delivery charge if they were worried about it.  I would have paid it.

So that started a kerfluffle we need not worry about at this point.

But I have been thinking. We need coke delivery personal across the country ready at a moments notice to deliver customers a coke. We really do. however to create a company that large would take time and energy and money. how much is a person willing to pay for a coke? 

I know that the average coke (2L) is about 1.50, some places like Walmart and superstore will charge as low as 0.88. (plus deposit) the gas required to drive across town and back would probably exceed the 0.60 difference so the profit margin would be none. but If people were willing to pay a few bucks for the convenience of a specially delivered coke, I think it could work.

Coca Cola and the nik nik

No-one knows where they came from, or why. There is even question about when. But one thing is certain. 

They came.

I can probably get into a lot of trouble for telling you this, but I feel it is for the betterment of mankind for us all to know about the nik nik bug.

I don’t remember when I first heard about them, or where I was, but I seem to remember eating a cheeseburger. This would seem fitting as their primary occupation at this time, or possible just their most public, is in the production and bottling of Coca Cola.

"oh sure, bugs bottling Coca Cola. I think you have been drinking a little bit much of their product." you say.

"This person is a wacko" you exclaim "lets all go rob a supermarket"

True. This can all seem strange, but let me tell you a tale. A tale that has been passed down by oral tradition of the now extinct Wimbee tribe of South Carolina for many generations. The only written account was in the journal of a tourist visiting the Francis National Forest in 1886. Soon after the tribe disappeared.

It was early, just after the tribe moved to the location now known as the Francis National Forest, that they noticed black smoke billowing into the sky. Concerned that this may indicate a forest fire which could threaten their village, a scout was sent out to assess the danger. Many days went by before he returned.

He found nothing, no smoke no fire.

The tribe unsure of what to do sent out many more scouts, only for each of them to return empty handed having found nothing.

The chief soon gave up, and declared that region of the forest off limits as the black smoke for sure was the work of evil spirits.

No more thought was put into it until one day a hunter came stumbling out of the forbidden forest.

His language was slurred, hard to understand. He mumbled something about giant buildings and bugs. But soon after his state worsened and all the could get out of him was the word nik, which he repeated constantly. The healers attempted to improve the hunters state, but to no avail. 

Fearful of what may happen if more people were to venture into the dark woods, the Chief declared that

the source of the evil must be found and eliminated. A group of warriors were assembled and dispatched to eliminate the evil once and for all.

The warriors never returned.

The Chief worried as to what this could mean decided to search for the missing warriors himself.

Many days he wandered the forest. He soon became lost.

One night a bird started to appear to him in his dreams. In his dreams the bird sat upon a branch and recited poetry. The Chief tried to ask what the bird was trying to tell him, but the bird would fly away leaving him alone in the forest. 

For several more weeks the chief hiked deeper and deeper into the forest. And his dreams became more and more abstract. Until one night the bird in his dreams was accompanied by a swarm of small insects singing a song so strangely familiar that it haunted him for the rest of the night.

It was the next morning that the chief happened upon a clearing. The ground was unlike anything he had ever seen before, black and hard. White lines were drawn like war paint, but to no intelligent design. A wooden object was hanging on a tree to wards, on it was drawn a design he did not understand. Near this oddity a smaller solid stone path lead into the forest on the far side of the clearing.

The chief decided to follow this path into the woods, and came upon a sight so strange that he forgot to breath. A large rectangular object stood in another clearing, atop the object black smoke billowed into the sky.

What appeared to be an entrance was on the side of the large object and when he pushed on it it swung easily open. Inside was like a maze, and he quickly got lost again.

After a time of wandering he heard the sound of objects hitting each other, as he followed the sounds they became became mixed with the sound of singing. He soon recognized it as the singing in his dream.

At last he came to a large room filled with strange objects that made loud noises, buzzing around were small bugs. The same bugs from his dream.

He explored the room but was interrupted by two large men who escorted him outside, he recognized them as two of the warriors that disappeared. They seemed not to recognize hem. As he was lead out he managed to pocket one of the small objects that the bugs seemed to be filling with a dark liquid.

Finding his way back to the village proved easier then he thought, and soon he was telling his tale to everyone who would listen.

He told the tale of nik nik bugs, so named for the song they sang, and the strange sweet liquid they produced.

This liquid became the inspiration for what we now know as Coca Cola. Although similar, the current version could never match what the nik niks produced. 

The Nik Nik bugs still exist, and their products still availiable to those that know the secret. I cannot tell you where to find the Nik Cola, for it is up to each of us to find it on our own. But I assure you it is well worth the search.