Monthly Archives: March 2009

Paranoia 2: The Great OJ Conspiracy

It started last year sometime as all great stories do, with a bottle of juice.

This was no ordinary juice and as I was drinking it I was absent mindedly reading the back of the bottle, which was kind of hard to do from that angle. Fortunately I am really near sighted.

The juice in question was a particular mixture of 5 citrus fruits and as such I was surprised by the lack of any nutritional value listed on the back of the bottle. I pointed this out to my friend who was there at the time who merely shrugged it off as one of those things normal people don’t care about.

Concerned I purchased a bottle of orange juice to compare. Sure enough the orange juice contained a plethora of nutrients. This citrus beverage claimed to contain orange juice, grapefruit, tangerine, lemon and lime. Surely one or all of them contains something.

But this was quickly forgotten by myself.

But I had started something that no-one soon would ever forget.

A few short months later I was again enjoying this special brand of beverage when lo and behold to my horror something had changed. As if someone or something was watching me, there, right on the label it said "A good source of vitamin C". And sure enough they had added ascorbic acid to the list of ingredients.

Side Note: Some research indicates that that this juice is only 41% juice, the remainder is water and sugar. WHOOOO. However that 41% should contain the nutrients normaly found right?

Of course that was just the beginning.

Confused concerned and somewhat flabergasted I wandered into the local food stuff storage unit and examined the orange juice that were contained therein.

I walked out even more confused. Every single type of orange juice, accross brands, within brands, concentrated, unconcentrated, valencia, unknown, completely disagreed with eachother on what nutrients were contained within the packaging.

Research indicates orange juice contains Vitamin C, potassium, folic acid, and flavonoids. Not only where those missing from some or all, but some contained other odd things like magnessium, iron, Vitamin A and calcium.

There are a number of conclusions that can be drawn. Some more alarming then the others.

I will allow you to shug this off as yet another paranoid rant, assume the worse, or some sort of middle ground.

But as for me, I shall remain paranoid, and ever vigilant lest the forces of darkness catch me unawares.

News on Parade Corporation News:

So. I failed my very first physics exam. Rather amusing really. It was also the most easy exam I shall ever see.

oh well.

Not like I need good marks or anything.

But this is not about that. It is not about the ipod I acquired, The money they forgot to pay me (whoa dejavu), the odd influx of police, the inevitable downfall of mankind or even my insane search for apartments.

No indeed. This is about my roommate.

No, I will not be talking about his bankruptcy or his custody battles. I will not even be talking about his odd procession of girlfriends that for some reason almost immediately ask for money (where does he find these people?)

No. This is about his latest and greatest money making plan.

Multi-Level-Marketing!

If I could make that in a booming echoing voice I would.

So. I dont know where he met these people either, but one day he tells me went to a seminar. And that he is going to start selling video phones.

But this is not about the product. The product is irrelevant.

I am not sure he knows (or possibly knew) what multi level marketing is. When he first told me what he was planning he seemed so excited by the prospect. He would be selling a product he thinks is "cool" and would getting a commission for the sale, and the monthly access fees. If he referred a friend to become a sales type person he would get a "bonus" plus a piece of the sales of that person. Apparently up to seven levels.

Before he was finished the warning bells were already sounding and I mentioned that it sounded a lot like a pyramid scheme.

He didn’t like that much.

He still wants me to join.

It is legal because there is a product and service, but it is designed so that most of the money goes to the people at the top. In fact he says the further up the line you are the more money you get from your underlings. ie, you get more money from a person 4 levels below you then the person right under you.

Sigh.

It is not impossible for him to make money, but unlikely, depending on how many people he can con.

This is still his plan despite being told slightly less tactfully by other people pretty much what I told him.

It only costs him 500 to join, plus monthly service fees and a phone. oh well.

I guess he did not learn much from that insurance sales thing a while back. Did not hear about that one did you? I dont remember much now either.

But that is probably twice as much gossip then I should be perpetuating.

maybe I should say something about how I think that ipods are brain washing the masses through subsonic "watermarks". or is that random on my ipod truly random? or why is it you need i tunes to fill your ipod? and where does the ipod rubber come from? and why is it I am getting mild electric shocks through my earphones?